How Entrepreneurs Can Protect Their Marriage While Building a Business

Here's something I don't say in keynote speeches: there was a time when Carrie and I almost didn't make it.

I was building Likeable Media. We had just been on the Inc. 500 list. From the outside, everything looked perfect. But inside our home, I was absent. Not physically — I was there for dinner most nights. But mentally, I was always somewhere else. Always on the next pitch, the next hire, the next crisis.

Carrie finally said something that stopped me cold: "I feel like I'm married to your company, not to you."

That moment changed everything for me. And it's why I believe — and I'll say this to anyone who will listen — that my marriage is MORE important than my business.

Why Entrepreneurship Is Uniquely Hard on Marriages

It's not just the hours. Research from the Kauffman Foundation found that entrepreneurs work an average of 50+ hours per week, with many reporting 60-80 hours during growth phases. But hours alone don't destroy marriages. What destroys marriages is what Drs. John and Julie Gottman call "turning away" from your partner's bids for connection.

A "bid" is any attempt your partner makes to connect with you — a question about their day, a touch on the shoulder, sharing something they're excited about. The Gottman Institute's research found that couples who stay married long-term respond positively to their partner's bids 86% of the time. Couples who divorce? Only 33%.

When you're building a company, you're turning away from bids constantly. Not maliciously. You're just somewhere else. And over time, your partner stops bidding. That's when the real damage starts.

The Four Horsemen and the Entrepreneurial Personality

The Gottmans identified four communication patterns that predict divorce with over 90% accuracy — the Four Horsemen:

Criticism

Attacking your partner's character. "You never prioritize us" instead of "I felt hurt when you took that call during dinner."

Contempt

Expressing superiority or disgust. The single strongest predictor of divorce. Entrepreneurs are particularly vulnerable when they feel their partner "doesn't understand" the pressure.

Defensiveness

Responding to complaints by deflecting. "I'm doing this FOR us" is textbook defensiveness.

Stonewalling

Shutting down and withdrawing. When you're mentally exhausted from running a company, stonewalling feels like self-preservation. To your partner, it feels like abandonment.

Five Practices That Save Entrepreneurial Marriages

1. The Six-Second Kiss (Gottman Method)

Every morning and evening, kiss your partner for at least six seconds. It forces presence and genuine connection.

2. Weekly State of the Union (Gottman Method)

30 minutes weekly with no phones. What went well, what you appreciate, one thing to work on.

3. Know Each Other's Enneagram Under Stress

I'm a Type 3, under stress I become emotionally detached. Carrie is a Type 2, under stress she becomes resentful. Knowing this was a cheat code for our fights.

4. Speak Their Love Language, Not Yours

My language is Words of Affirmation. Carrie's is Acts of Service. I kept complimenting her while she wished I'd empty the dishwasher.

5. Join a Couples Peer Forum

Having other entrepreneurial couples who understand the tension between ambition and intimacy is transformative.

The ROI of Your Marriage

Research published in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that married entrepreneurs who report high relationship satisfaction earn 25-50% more than those in distressed marriages. Investing in your marriage isn't a distraction — it's the foundation.